


Heartache

by PurpleShaqJock



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Jealous Steve, Kissing, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Steve Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:57:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6395419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleShaqJock/pseuds/PurpleShaqJock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve thought he was okay with Amber moving back to Hawaii permanently. He thought he could ignore how happy Danny looked. He was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very poor at titles. I'm sorry :)
> 
> Thanks for all the hits, kudos and comments of Happy Anniversary. I love you all.
> 
> This one was supposed to be posted during the Easter weekend but life...
> 
> Anyways, hope you like it.

Steve had no idea when he became this man. This bitter man who was incapable of being happy for his friend's good life.

May be it was when Danny forgave Amber even after she had lied to him about her true identity and even got him stabbed by her deranged ex-husband. Or when he encouraged her to move to Hawaii permanently. Or when she agreed to do it. Maybe it was when Catherine said the final goodbye and left him at the mercy of his own loneliness. All he knew was that he was suffocating inch by agonising inch and he wanted it to stop.

He was so deep in thought, he did not hear the main doors open until Amber's voice rang in the bullpen.

"Hi, Steve."

"Amber. Hey." Steve replied as cheerfully as his icy voice could allow. "Danny's in his office."

She nodded and gave him her big smile and walked towards Danny's office leaving Steve feeling irritated. He stood still, his eyes fixed on Danny's office door but seeing absolutely nothing. His mind had drifted back to the day Danny had come to his house one night and had drunkenly torn off his pyjamas and put Steve's cock in his mouth. What had followed had been hot steamy passionate sex.

The following day, Danny had acted like nothing had happened and had even gone ahead and taken Amber away for a week, maybe to convince himself that that night had meant nothing.

Steve was no fool though. He had known that Danny had not been as drunk as he had made it seem. Nevertheless, he had been devastated. He had wallowed in his misery for days until Chin had forced him out of his dark bedroom and had made him take a one hour bath.

That night was never discussed and Steve was okay with that. He was even okay having Danny as just a friend. What he was not prepared for was Amber moving permanently back to Hawaii and Danny looking so happy about it. He could feel his throat tighten as panic rose from the pit of his stomach and had to gasp for air.

"Steve!"

Steve jolted back to the present and had to lean on the tech table as his knees threatened to give way.

"Are you okay?" Steve nodded as Chin rushed to his side and quickly pulled a chair and sat him on it.

"Are you sure?" He repeated, concern written all over his face.

"I'm fine, Chin. Thanks." Steve insisted. "It's just— head rush."

Chin cut his eyes at him but did not press the matter. He got him a bottle of water and kept him company as the conversation turned general and light and by the time Danny and Amber appeared, he had composed himself enough to be believable.

***

The table was full of laughter and merriment as friends and lovers poked jabs at one another. It was Amber's overdue welcome home party and the team had just solved a multiple homicide case which made the mood even merrier.

Usually, Steve would be teasing Danny about his love of hair products or something silly like that while eating anything and everything but he was not in the mood to be merry. In any case, he wanted to scream at the public display of affection between Danny and Amber until he felt a hand on his arm and jumped.

"Relax, babe. It's just me." Danny smiled. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." Steve flashed him a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"For starters," Kono began, "We all know how much you love to eat, bossman, but you've hardly even touched your food."

"You too, Mrs. Noshimuri?" Steve teased and smiled. "I'm just a little beat."

Danny regarded him and their eyes locked, the smaller man's piercing into Steve's and his heart thudded in his chest as he fought to hold Danny's gaze. He hated lying to Danny but telling him the truth would not change anything either.

"It must be a very special kind of beat if there's still food on your plate." Chin cut in teasingly as he tried to diffuse the tension that he knew was building between the two men.

"Must be." Grover added. "What's wrong, commander? Afraid of a little food porn?"

Everyone laughed as they, even Adam, took turns to tease him. Later, when all the food had been eaten or packed to go and enough beer had been drunk, team thanked Danny and went to their respective cars.

"Are you okay?" Danny asked, noticing that Steve was not walking steady.

"Why do you keep asking me that?"

Danny whispered to Amber who bid Steve goodnight then got in the car. Danny waited until she had closed the door then turned to Steve.

"Because you've been knocking back bottles a little too fast tonight and I'm concerned."

"No need to be concerned." Steve assured. "I'm fine."

Danny's gaze pierced through Steve's for the second time that night and Steve did not have the strength to do it again so he looked away.

"Fine. I'm drunk. I'll call a cab."

"Don't be silly." Danny replied. "You're not calling a cab. I'll drive you home."

"No, Danno. You have Amber and I don't want to trouble you with my problems."

"It's no trouble, Steven. I can't just leave you here. Amber is a big girl and can drive herself home so it's a done deal. Besides, you have a terrible sense of direction and I fear for the cab driver."

"What. You think I'm going to direct him off the pier into the Pacific?"

Danny laughed. "Exactly. You have this chronic desire to be on Shark Week and the cab driver shouldn't have to be a victim too."

Steve laughed. "I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing, Daniel. Very touching."

Danny smiled and excused himself as he opened the camaro door, whispered in Amber's ear and kissed her. Steve had to look away and force down the bile that rose in his throat.

"Alright." He heard Danny say and turned around just in time to see Amber pull away. "Truck keys."

Steve dug the keys from his pocket and threw them to Danny. They settled in and Steve leaned his head on the head rest and closed his eyes. Danny regarded him for a moment then started the car and sped off.

Steve was roused by a shake of his shoulder and tensely looked around before he got his bearing and let his body relax.

"We're home." He saw Danny smile.

Steve smiled back. "I can see that, Danno. Thank you."

Danny opened the door and got out as Steve followed suit. They stood in the driveway leaning on the body of the truck for a silent while.

"Thanks for bringing me home."

"You'd have done the same for me. For all of us."

Their eyes locked and held and Steve could feel desire building from deep within him like it always did whenever they had a moment. He had to force himself to look away as Danny took a step back.

"Well, I've got to go." Danny broke the moment. "I'll bring your car by tomorrow."

Steve nodded.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Steve nodded again.

"Okay. Good night then." Danny said and went around to the driver's side.

"Danny, wait."

He heard Steve say and halted until he felt Steve behind him, turning him. He did not have time to react as Steve's lips had sealed his own. Instinctively, he responded to the tentative kiss by deepening it. Intense moments flew by as tongues explored each other's mouth, bodies crushed together, their desire for each other evident from the bulges in their pants.

It was Danny who pulled back and took a deep breath. He got in the truck and started it, looked at Steve one more time then drove off.

Steve closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He knew Danny would neither forget it nor talk about it but he was not sorry he did it. If the soft gazes and subtle touches Danny gave him were anything to go by, Steve knew their chemistry was so much more than Danny was letting on and he had to be sure that he was not just imagining it.

He sat on the steps to the front porch and had to laugh at how comical it was that Catherine had left him at the exact same spot. He had no idea how long he had sat there or when laughter had turned to tears. He wiped his eyes, got up and dragged himself inside.

***

Danny pulled in his driveway and killed the engine. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he absently ran his fingers along his lips. He thought about the girl sleeping in his bed and his chest tightened. She was a wonderful woman who loved him and he did not want to hurt her. He touched his tingling lips again and felt a ghost of a smile curve in the corners of his mouth as he locked the truck doors and headed inside.

***

Steve swam to the shore to find Danny waiting for him at the lanai.

"Isn't it too early for a swim?"

"I couldn't sleep." Steve replied and grabbed a towel. "Isn't it too early to return my truck?"

"I didn't know when you needed it." Danny replied.

Steve dabbed the towel on his face. "You got home okay?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Steve inhaled and wiped his body. He walked past Danny into the house as the shorter man followed him inside.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?"

"It's fine, Danno." Steve replied. "I'll go wash off. Are you staying for coffee?"

Danny nodded and paced the house as he waited for Steve to reappear. He was distracted for a moment when Steve came back, a towel hanging loose around his hips.

"Did you forget your way to the bedroom?" Danny asked as he followed Steve into the kitchen. "I itch when I dress immediately after shower. You know that."

Danny shrugged and watched silently as Steve prepared coffee. He wanted to ignore what had happened the previous night but the words were out before he knew it. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Done what? Not dress?"

"Kiss me, Steve!" Danny almost yelled. "You shouldn't have kissed me last night."

Steve swallowed and turned to Danny. "I was wondering when— if ever— you'd bring that up."

"What do you mean?"

"You kissed me first, Danny. Remember that."

"That was a long time ago, Steve, and I was wasted."

"Right." Steve scoffed. "Same tired excuse."

"It's not an excuse." Danny insisted. "I was drunk that night. If anything, I should be the one pissed at you for taking advantage of me."

Steve's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

Danny huffed but said nothing as Steve switched off the coffee machine and took fast strides towards where Danny was standing.

"Say that again." He whispered but Danny kept his mouth shut which irritated him even more. "Say that to me again, Danny!"

Danny took a step back and held Steve's angry gaze. He knew that statement had come out wrong but it was out and he couldn't take it back.

"I can't believe you." Steve said in a voice full of hurt. "After everything we've been through together, I can't believe you'd think that of me."

The hurt in Steve's voice made Danny's throat clog with guilt. He approached and grabbed Steve's arm.

"Steve," He began but Steve stepped out of his touch and shook his head. He walked into the living room and sat down and dropped his head into his hands. When he looked up again, his eyes were bloodshot and it made Danny's eyes water.

"We both know you weren't that drunk, Danny. Your phone was off so I called Chin to ask if I should come and pick you guys up but he told me it was you dropping everyone off. You were more sober than Chin who doesn't even drink that much and you have the audacity to stand there and accuse me of taking advantage of you?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Danny defended.

"Yeah you did. You've wrapped your relationship with Amber in this cocoon where only you exist, all the while putting everyone and everything else on hold and you've forgotten that I was there way before she was and I can see right through you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're a coward." Steve spat. "You can't even admit to yourself that the reason you came to me that night was because you really wanted me. You had to fake being wasted to get sex from me because you don't have the balls to man up and ask me for it."

Danny took short fast steps toward Steve and slapped him. It was quick and unexpected and caught Steve completely by surprise and he shot off the couch as he rubbed Danny's imprint on his cheek.

"Truth hurts, doesn't it?"

Danny raised his hand but Steve caught it mid air. Danny snatched it away and gave Steve an angry look.

"Fuck you!" He spat and breezed past Steve, going back out on the lanai.

"Fuck me?" Steve shot back as he followed Danny out. "No, Danny. Fuck you! Fuck you for making me fall in love with you and then breaking my heart. Fuck you for leading me into believing that I was special when all you wanted from me was just a body to keep you warm as you waited for your girlfriend to make her mind up about your relationship!"

"That's not true." Danny defended weakly.

"Isn't it?" Steve asked. "You knew exactly what you wanted when you came right up to me and buried me into you. It was the most magical night of my life. It made me feel so special but the very next day, you pretended like nothing had happened and took Amber on vacation."

Danny's chest tightened so much he felt like he was running out of air. He wanted to go to Steve and wrap his arms around him. He wanted to unwrap the towel that was hanging so precariously low, drop to his knees and take Steve's pain away. He stood still though, mouth tightly shut as he sadly watched the emotions that swam through Steve's glistening eyes.

"You broke my heart, Danno." Steve said in a voice above a whisper. "So bad that I couldn't sleep for days. I couldn't go to work, I drank for the record and I don't know what I'd have done if Chin hadn't been there for me."

Danny blinked away tears as Steve told him things that no one else had had the courage to. Things he had asked his friends and teammates but had got a very different version of what he was hearing now.

"Even after you came back, you still acted like it had been nothing and it wrecked me. I hated you, Danny."

"Hate is a strong word." Danny breathed.

"It was how I felt at the time. I wished it was Chin I was so in love with instead of you because I know for certain that he wouldn't use me. That he would stick around even if what happened had been a colossal mistake."

That hurt Danny. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "It wasn't a mistake, Steve, and I didn't use you."

"You did, Danny." Steve argued. "You used me and left me and it made me feel so worthless that when Catherine left me, I believed I deserved it. I felt that if I wasn't good enough for you, then I wasn't good enough for anyone."

Danny could not hide the tears that escaped him as he approached Steve, put his hands on Steve's arms and looked up at him. "How can you even think that?"

Steve shrugged as he tried to hold back his own tears. "You made me think that. Feel that."

"I'm sorry." Danny choked. "That wasn't my intention, Steve. You have to believe me."

"Then level with me, Danny." Steve begged. "This thing between us. Tell me if it’s real or if I should I just cut my losses and try to move on."

Danny took a deep breath and took a step back. It was a long moment before he replied. "It's real. Very real."

Steve closed his eyes and breathed. When he opened them, he could see Danny's fear and his heart dropped to his stomach. "You and Amber. Is that real too?"

Danny sat on the chair and dropped his head in his hands. He was quiet for so long that Steve felt fear grip him at the prospect of watching Danny and Amber walk into the sunset together. He knew he would recover from that. He was so lost in thought that he almost missed Danny's answer.

"I wanted it to be."

"What?" Steve whispered.

Danny looked up at him, got off the chair and approached Steve who was rooted at the same spot, too afraid to move.

"You were right."

"I was?" Steve asked hesitantly causing Danny to smile.

"Amber is beautiful and wonderful and kind and patient and anyone would be lucky to have her but you were right. I was living a fairy tale with her but what I was really doing was pushing away every decision that mattered. When I took her to Maui, I convinced her that it would be better if she moved here for good so we did not have to do that long distance thing but truth is, I was afraid, Steve."

Steve frowned. "Of what?"

"Of the depth of my feelings for you. That night when you didn't come out to the bar after your meeting with the governor, I was crushed. I tried joining in the conversation with the rest of the guys but I kept drifting away. I kept thinking that maybe you were with someone else."

"Wait. You were jealous?" Steve asked in an amused tone but a smile was all he got from Danny as he explained more. "I tried to numb those thoughts by drinking but even alcohol wasn't doing anything for me so I decided to come to your house and check up on you —"

"Not to check up on me." Steve cut in. "You came to find out if I was alone. Admit it, Danno."

"Okay, fine." Danny said after a while. "I wanted to find out if you were alone. When you opened the door shirtless and groggy, all sane thought flew out the window and I threw myself at you like a slut. It was pathetic, really."

"Danny,"

"Let me finish." Danny cut him off and took a few steps back to collect his thoughts. "When I went back home in the morning, Amber was waiting for me and the guilt I felt was so immense that I didn't even think before making the decision to take her away. I want you to know that it wasn't premeditated, Steve."

Steve nodded but said nothing. "I swear I didn't know she was coming, Steve. It caught me by surprise too."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I'm a coward." Danny said. "I wanted to explain everything when I came back but you couldn't even look at me and I didn't know how to start talking to you about it so I decided to let it die down."

"Except that it never did. Not for me." Steve replied. "I couldn't look at you because yes, I was angry, but more so because I was ashamed. I was ashamed of how readily I gave myself to you and how desperate I was for you when it was Amber you wanted all that time."

"Except that it wasn't."

"I didn't know that." Steve said.

"I'm sorry, Steve." Danny said as he took Steve's hands in his. "I'm sorry for so many poor decisions I've made. I'm sorry for not talking about it and pretending that it meant nothing because it was all I could think about. I'm sorry for pushing Amber to move back here. I thought that if I did, then maybe I'd stop loving you so damn much. I'm sorry I made you feel like crap, it wasn't my intention. I'm sorry I accused you of taking advantage of me because you never could."

Steve smiled and squeezed Danny's hands. Their eyes held and Steve wanted nothing more than to close the gap but the elephant was still in the room and until he knew exactly what Danny wanted, he was not going to allow himself to be that vulnerable again. "So where do we go from here?"

"Amber's a great girl. She deserves everything good and I don't have the heart to hurt her.”

 “Okay.” Steve whispered.

"But I can’t love her like she needs to be loved. I have to say goodbye to her.”

"She’ll be hurt."

"As will you if I don't." Danny said. "Also, I'm done being afraid of going for what I really want and I'm done denying myself the pleasure of being the love of a Navy Seal's life. A Navy Seal who loves me so deeply even when it hurts him. A Navy Seal who made love to me like I was the only one in his world. A Navy Seal that I also happen to be madly in love with."

Steve had to close his eyes to hold back the tears that burned in them. When he opened them, he was met with Danny's smile and he could not resist capturing those lips. It was a passionate kiss that spelled a deep seated longing as the men explored every crevice of each other's mouth.

"Go put on some pants." Danny said as he pushed Steve back into the house. "I have to go break up and seeing you like this is turning my brain into mush."

Steve smiled and kissed Danny once more. He lay him on the couch and lay on top of him and captured his lips again as he ground onto Danny's throbbing hardness. The rhythmic thrusts were desperate and moans even louder. This time, it was Steve who pulled back.

"Please go finish it so you can come back because if you don't, I won't be responsible for my actions."

"Very well." Danny smiled and arranged himself then gave Steve a quick kiss. "Could you do me a solid?"

"Sure."

"Could you please hold off falling in love with Chin until I get back?"

Steve laughed. "I'll try but I'm not making any promises."

Danny laughed back. "Okay, fair enough."

Steve smiled and watched Danny walk out of his home and as quickly as his guilt about Amber's pain came, it went. After so many months of agony, he refused to be sorry that Danny had finally realized what he really wanted.

As he went upstairs, he only hoped that it would not be too painful for Danny. He was his man. His future. His everything.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks...


End file.
